Just an Update

Late nights and picture peeking are good for mothers now and again. Because like all mothers feel from time-to-time, I feel as though I am failing in so many ways. When I look at pictures I see healthy, happy, wonderful children and realize in a heightened reality that I am blessed. I begin each day, very aware of my need of Jesus moment-by-moment and end most of my days wondering why He put these precious ones in my unqualified hands. He keeps pressing on my heart that it's ok if I don't have it all-together in every way right now. I remember, months ago, telling Luke, "I just can't do it all." To which he responded, "Then just be a good daughter to your Father." That is where it all lies. Jesus Christ enables me to love and that love covers my multitude of failures. At the end of the day, all I really desire is that my Savior is pleased and that my children are seeing more of who He is so that they can grow to love Him.

We started for the water front Sunday evening for walking, exploring and bike riding with the kiddos and my parents. Luke and I were tired. Like the tired that comes when it consumes you and there is no "pushing through." Charis asked right off "Can I go in the water mommy?" Luke and I exchanged glances and I responded with a, "No way. I'm too tired for that much mess." But then we got down there and there was no complaining. They stood by the shore line, throwing rocks and giggling. "Do you mind if I change the rules?" I whispered to Luke.

Zeke started fishing.

I'm glad that I said, "Yes" to a bit of a mess and opened a door of discovery and delight to my children, if even in a small way.
I so want to hold their hearts by loving what they love and saying "yes" to their desires to experience the world around them. Obviously, there and times when saying "no" is love. But when they are busy learning and opening doors of discovery they understand that our "no" is an expression of goodwill, not self-love.

Zeke and Luke made this little picnic table together. I love it. School and lunches outside . . . summer goodness.

We've been struggling to get Charis healthy and effectively kill of the Candida that we discovered she has. Just google "Candida die off" and you will better understand what our lives have been like these last few weeks. I have a new awe of mothers who care for chronically ill children and am extremely grateful for the health the we generally have in our family. Please pray for my little girl. We see progress, then regression. I am learning and it is time-consuming. Recipes. Medicines. Detoxing. And she is more "difficult" as we all are when under physical stress only Charis is a go-get-er girl anyway. I know that I usually mention that in a negative light but I can only imagine that when this girl gets born-again she's going to be on-fire for Jesus Christ. She's just all in or all out. And I love her for it.

Poor Haven just had to find her way into this post. Her and I just got done cuddling. I think she's missing her nursing times, just a little. And I sort of do too. Though I never thought I would live to see the day when I would not be nursing or pregnant. Yup, for over five years I have been one or the other and often both. This girl is as smart as a whip but still not walking. It doesn't seem to me like she really should be because none of the kids have ever learned to walk until my stomach was sticking out to kingdom-come with the next baby. She's just "the baby" and we all love her that way. Zeke is always saying, "Oh, Havey, my good baby." And Charis plays "peek-a-boo" with her every time she starts to fuss. It always pulls her right out of it and it makes me smile.