And what does the Lord require? .....

Ok, this is going to be a quick little update that will just have to do until I return from Mexico! :)

Ah, the first topic is just that; Mexico. I went to the Mexico meeting yesterday. It was good in the fact that it gave me a better idea of how to prepare. I got home and was frantically getting everything ready for the next week when I just plain lost it. One little comment, and I was gone...and it had very little to do with the comment. It was only nine, but I decided to hit the sack and try to control myself. I laid there crying and praying, "God, I can't do this." It's amazing how God works. This last week has been extremely hard for whatever reason or another. I've just been mentally, physically and spiritually exhausted. Last night I laid there thinking, "I'm having a hard time functioning here in my own country where I know the language, customs and people. I have my family, friends and church. I can go to my room, shut the door and fall apart. If I'm struggling here, how in the world am I going to be strong enough to serve in Mexico?" I kept praying by merely repeating, "God, I can't. I don't know what to do." Finally I wearied of my constant prayer and mental struggle. I knew the answer well enough. It kept ringing through my thoughts. That's right Allison, you can't do it. I had been such a fool. I reasoned that it was just Mexico, I could handle it. I used to think the same about school. Whenever I've studied, I've pulled out a decent grade. Well, last week everything was pulled from under me. Respect, relationships, grades, motivation...everything was gone. I was left, lying on my back, crying out to the only One who seemed continually, unchangeably, faithfully stable. My Lord. I was not strong enough to have faith. All I could do was rest in His faithfulness and dwell on the promise of His Word. His grace is all sufficient. Sufficient for strength to have faith, to press on, to work hard when everything seems negative, and to love even when you've been hurt.

My second topic was kind of covered in that last paragraph. But school, oh my word, I'm at the end of myself. Everything I've put my hand to is just shattering to smitherings. Today started with an 85% in Precalculus, followed by a 70% in Chemistry. I've never studied so hard or gotten such low grades. Today I didn't get discouraged though. And that scared me! It's like I'm becoming accustomed to these kinds of unacceptable scores. Last year I freaked when I got below a 95. Arg, I don't know what is wrong with me.

Sleep might help the situation though so I'm jettin’ to bed! Wow, I hate to leave on such a negative and disorganized post though! Sorry guys.

Anyhow, I know that I'll grow in the Lord when I'm in Mexico because it's going to be the end of me. That's when God works and I sit back in awe of His power. I'm reminded of the verse in Micah 6 that says, "What does the Lord require of you but to do justice, love kindness and walk humbly with your God?" That last phrase is what will carry me through. Walking with the Lord brings sufficient grace for where He is leading. I am not asked to be of great faith or be successful. The Lord requires me to walk humbly with Him and obey His voice.