When Heavenly Joy First Comes

When I feel so chained to this life
This world fallen
The physical realities before me
The body that is tired, imbalanced, unwell

My feet begin to slip
Into the mire of clay that enfolds me
I fight for a little health
A little sleep
A little selfish clean space

I am in the pit of loving self
And I struggle to free myself
I look around to the mess I created
And it is engulfing

But now I look up and I see a hand of strength
I know all to well
I can not free myself
And so I reach out in faith

I feel shame for being in that pit
Yes, again
I do not want to look my Savior in His loving eyes
They pierce my soul. They break my heart.

But He asks me to stay with Him
To talk to Him
To believe that though I cannot, He can
To desire no other thing more fiercely than the smile of His pleasure

To know that His pleasure means
Doing life together
Me obeying
Him leading me on

Sometimes I reach points of beauty
Sometimes the path is even
Other times I'm not sure where the trail is
Or how much longer this hill goes upward

Joy is always married to obedience
And so I must be listening and asking
Then obeying
Moment by moment