A Right to Life

This week was kind of challenging . . .

I came down with mono. I was super frustrated because I had so much that I needed to get done but my body possessed an exhaustion that was not overcome by will power.

Chris left on Friday. Saying goodbye is always hard. Watching Jacob hold onto him, crying, pretty much tore me apart. It hit me hard the afternoon after he left. I had forgotten for a moment that he was gone, so I went to get him a coffee to take to him at work . . . then I remembered. I hate the pain that comes when someone leaves, like your heart is being wrenched from your being.

Then I had a few relationship issues that I needed to think through and pray about. There is still not complete closure. Does anyone else ever feel like shutting themselves up in a cave with no one, except their family, and living a simple life? I know that it is selfish - relationships are work. People problems hurt me at the core I guess because I am so selfish.

So Friday night I was complaining to God about everything. It hit me that I was acting like a spoiled child. I thought God "owed me" something. Health. My brother. Perfect friendships. A hopeful future.

There were things that I just expected. It seemed like I had the right to a "normal" life. Normal meaning - few health issues, family staying close, good friends, and pure fellowship.

It is refreshing to lay it all down and say, "God, if you never bless me beyond salvation, I will still praise You. I will still follow You. I will still love You."

I have no right to life.
But my God saved my soul.
Without complete health, without my brother, without fulfilled hopes, without friendship . . .

I will praise Him.