It Holds No Weight On Me

My bro leaves in 36 hours . . . it got me thinking about last year.

It is still going to be hard to see him go this year, I'm not trying to pretend that I have not struggled for one moment with the idea - I have! We had a great summer and my sisterly love for him grows and changes; it doesn't fade.

Yet, I think that I understand now more than ever why God led him to go so far from home and "took him from me." There are temptations that I could not have resisted if he had stayed. I would have kept relying on him. Trusting him. Depending on him. God was not my all-in-all. He didn't have to be.

I didn't have to work at building a trusting relationship with my dad because i got my protection and security from Chris. It was easier to communicate with Chris. We understood each other naturally.

Then God took him away and He did it in many phases. First it was merely geographical. Then emotional. For a short time no one possessed my heart because Chris didn't have it any longer and I wasn't trusting my authority. That was the loneliest time to walk through . . . utter confusion. Hard. Seeking. Crying out.

Now Chris is leaving again in a short time and I no longer possess that weight or fear that loomed over me for months after he left last summer. It holds no weight on me. I came down with mono, my brother is leaving, and a bunch of things went "wrong" this week. But I am content. Joyful. Secure. I know, beyond all doubt, that I am in my Savior's will.

Thinking back on all that God did to bring me to this place I realize that it was growing pains. I am humbled by the vast measure of God's love for me - He has perfectly orchestrated my life in order to cause me to grow. He led me to His will. Now I rest in Him and I am realizing that the life that I am living is what He had for me all along . . .

Thank you my Savior. My God. My ALL.