Only One Step

I don't know why, but I can't stop considering what life will look like a year from now. If everything goes as planned, I will say goodbye to my brother as I leave for Chicago and he leaves for Bob Jones University. At that same time I'll be forced to say goodbye to Mel as she leaves for college in California. I'll go where I've never gone before to be with people whom I have never met. I'll do something I've never tried before. Worse than that is the fact that when I come home, my brother and friend will still be gone. It will be like saying goodbye all over again.

The only thing I hate about being a teenager is that my life is up in the air. I know what I want to do with my life and I could plan it out without too much trouble. God isn't exactly giving me a five year plan though! I am thankful for the clear guidance that He gave me regarding doing Running Start at Clark next year. Everything that I read in Scripture or hear or see has only confirmed again and again that I made the right decision. Of course, I still argue with Him about it from time to time. Even last night I found myself telling Him how illogical it was. *roll of eyes*

It's so good to be out of my comfort zone and not knowing exactly what the next year holds or what it will look like. Lots of people talk about "hearing God's voice." I would personally never describe God's leading in my life as hearing His voice though. It's more like He is silently leading me. I have to be close enough to Him so that I can hold on to His hand. It's dark and I would get lost if I let go of Him. He only leads me one step at a time and never tells me what lies ahead. I'm forced to trust that He knows best and can see down the path although I can not. Fear of displeasing Him by getting off track keeps me close to His side. Step upon step He shows me the way. With each step I am forced to bend my knee in surrender. I have my idea of where I want to go and when I want to go there. His leading sometimes seems illogical and unreasonable. I can not sense or grasp what His entire plan is. So I am forced. Not to exercise my own faith, but to simply trust in His faithfulness.

Anyway, that's where my life is right now. Completely up in the air. Ah well, it's best this way.