back into focus

It amazes me the rapid rate at which circumstances can change my focus.

When the kids are being loud and crazy and my house looks like a wreck it's hard for me to have an eternal focus. Naturally, I see the kids as being in the way and the need for my energy to be focused on cleaning the house. But as I listen to my Savior (and often, my husband! :-)) I hear the truth that this house will one day be an ash heap but the souls of my children will live forever.

It's more important that I embrace my son's desire to post adds on facebook by means of spreading the gospel and then brain storm with him on more ideas to make money to support his mission than for me to set him aside with a school page or lego set and do my dishes. There is eternal value in cutting out rag dolls with my girls even though I really don't feel as though I have extra time to "craft around" this month because Charis is interested in rag dolls and when I love what she loves I communicate to her that she is of greater value than my holiday to-do list.

Eden brought life into perspective for me this week . . . and she continues to . . . as she is very sick. My whole being hurts as I watch her. And it's hard to sleep and stop watching her . . . which is why I am awake this early morning.

What started like a flu came with a fluttering pulse, which led us to call our doctor, who told us to go be seen by someone. It was confirmed to me that physicians really do "practice" medicine when she was misdiagnosed with pneumonia, sent to the ER, and I was glared at for not taking her earlier and told that she could die. After waiting around forever as you typically do at the ER while being exposed to a host of other viruses in the waiting room, the ER doctor announced that her lungs were clear, her rapid pulse was still within an acceptable range (only being caused by her fever) and that her condition was viral.

The faith and tenderness of my husband made me freshly thankful for who the Lord has blessed me with. I would have been speeding to the ER like a maniac. My husband was going the speed limit, speaking calmly to me about every day things and praying with me for our girl.

When your child is laying weakly in your arms and a doctor just told you that she is very ill and could die, your life view changes a bit. Everything suddenly becomes eternal. Stuff that really didn't matter to begin with doesn't even cross your mind.

And the same question that the Lord keeps asking me is asked of me again.

"Do you trust me?"

I wrestle a little with the question that is nagging my mind while I should be asleep. But then I consider my past and I whisper out, "Lord, all that I have ever done is make a mess of things in my immaturity, sin and unbelief. Yet You have still protected me and given me good things. I would be foolish not to trust You."

My children belong to the One who lovingly formed them and placed them in our hands. They are His. We just obey and trust the results to Him who knows all things and works all things together for our good and His glory.

I have confidence that Eden will do well soon. And I am thankful.

Pray for my girly. I am anxious to see her smile.