random ramblings of a late night girl

It feels so strange to be sitting here in the silence after a day like today.

It was one of those days that felt four days long.

And somehow it was still so so good.

I shouldn't say "somehow" . . . it implies that I do not know the reason for the day's joys and blessings. But I do.

Two happy children climbed onto my bed in the early morning, snuggling under my down comforter to shut out the bitter cold. "Guess what daddy told me guys? It snowed last night. But it wasn't much." It no longer mattered to them that it was cold. They shot out of bed, running for the windows. "It's Christmas time!" Charis exclaimed. "I can do baby Jesus now!" (She's very excited about putting Baby Jesus up on our advent calender and I keep telling her that we are waiting until Christmas day). They bounded back in shortly and snuggled down again. Then Charis was up again within seconds. "I want to see the snow again. Someone come with me?" Zeke responded, "Just go look Charis. Look out the windows up by the fire." Charis looked distressed. "I want someone with me" she repeated. I knew he was cold and didn't want to but he got up again. "Ok, I'll go with you Charis."

Nothing gives me hope in the same way as when I see my children choosing love for others over their own pleasure.

I explained to Charis as I did her hair this morning that, above all else, Jesus wants her to love Him and to love those around her. She had just declared to the world that she, "Did not like 'Zekiel and did not like Eden." Charis is a tough nut to crack but she seemed to soften as I told her that mommy doesn't always find it easy to love everyone around her either. We prayed together for a great great love for others.

This girl used to get very determined about the fact that she, "Did not want Jesus and did not like God." Those where her words and she stood by them for months, never changing her position. She was quick to tell us what she thought of the whole thing when the conversation started that direction in any way. I would respond with a, "Okay Charis, mama and daddy will just keep praying for you okay?" Emphatically she would say, "No. You don't do this mommy. Okay?" I was always a little amazed as I stood in the face of the open rebellion. Over time she stopped her directly negative remarks. A few weeks ago we were driving, just her and I in the car. I was chatting with her saying, "Look at that pretty sunset over there. Doesn't God makes some amazing things for us to enjoy?" She glanced that direction and responded, "God's pretty nice, huh mommy?" I told Luke, "She's softening" and he kept praying expectantly. Monday morning I was complaining to Zeke in the early morning saying, "Mommy's so tired Zeke! Daddy and I got to bed so late last night." Kid like curiosity came through, "What were you doin'?" "Oh, daddy got back late and then we spent a lot of time cleaning up, doing dishes, then reading . . . " He interrupted me. "Then you had to pray. You prayed for Charis to want Jesus as her savior and stuff, right?" I smiled, "Yeah, you're right, we did." Charis was apparently listening because she piped up. "Mommy, is Jesus my Savior?" "Not yet. Do you want Jesus to be your Savior?" There was no pause, no doubt, and no trace of rebellion towards the idea. She said, "Yes." We talked. She "believes" in the sense that she believes that the Creator of heaven and earth loves her . . . that Jesus died for her . . . and because of Him she can go to heaven." She wants Him.

Anyone can reason with the fact that at two year old doesn't change her own attitude towards a concept like that. It was never back and forth. When she was opposed she was opposed no matter the time of day or circumstances surrounding the conversation. Now she has a desire and it hasn't turned back to rebellion. Not once. Not for a moment . . . no matter the context. A two year old doesn't seek after God. A two year old is simply "dead" because of sin. BUT GOD, who is rich in mercy and because of the great love wherewith He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses and sins hath quickened us together with Christ."

I keep coming back before Him, saying, "Oh God. I really have nothing to do with this salvation thing, do I?"

Peace comes from that.

I didn't seek after God. I didn't do anything to save myself.

I don't keep myself here either.

He keeps me before Him.

He who began a good work in me will complete it.

"His dying breath has brought me life. I know that it is finished."

And so back to the crazy day . . .

I had a pie crust fail on me.
As I was realizing it I looked to see Charis unloading the pantry. I started to say, "Oh no, sweetie. Put those things back . . ." Just as she knocked the olive oil over and the cap popped off.
I heard Eden waking from her nap and glanced at my dough covered hands and oil covered floor.
As I mopped the floor I looked to see Eden proudly bounding down the hall. She took the matter into her own hands and got out of bed before I got there.
I picked her up, hugging and kissing her, asking her if she slept well . . . noticed that her shirt was wet. Then noticing that she had no diaper on.
"Oh no. Eden Faith" I began, rebukingly. She grinned at me. She's so stinking smart. I had heard of kids doing this and always wondered what the problem was with people. Zeke and Charis never did it. So I ate my humbled pie as I washed bedding. Zeke's coat was just going in to dry . . . he had put the eggs in his pockets that morning and they had broke. It was now egg-free. ;-)
I started another pie crust. The filling ingredients had already been combined so I didn't see it as being altogether optional unless I wanted to waste good, expensive, organic ingredients.
I suggested to Charis that she get her little rolling pin and help. Eden quickly picked up on the idea of course and came barging in, leaving me with no counter space.
"Haven is crying, mommy." I heard Zeke say.
Man that girl is getting heavy . . . I didn't fully appreciate that fact until I tried to stir my filling on the stove-top (one of those "stir without ceasing until it comes to a boil on low heat" things, you know?) all while I nursed her.
Eden brought Haven her blanket, sweetly.
I smiled and thanked her, putting it on my shoulder.
And so with a blanket draped over my shoulder and one arm supporting a nursing baby while the other arm "stirred without ceasing" I finished the pie.
Oh. I forgot to mention. My kitchen is currently "under construction" because of water damage. The floor is partly ripped up and a corner section of the cabinets have been removed.
There is plastic that tents the room off from the rest of the house.
My kitchen is complete with a very loud "air filtering" machine and dehumidifier.
But I have a kitchen that is operational. This is more than I expected and so I am very thankful!

Alas, my quiet evening must end. My best friend and handsome little boy will soon return from their Christmas concert . . . Maybe I'll go make fresh whipping cream for their pie. What can go wrong now with everyone else in bed? ;-)