a letter for later . . .

It's one of the those days where I shouldn't be blogging. Laundry is piled on the couch, dishes are in the sink and this weekend will be full. But . . . somethings never get done if I don't just stop to do it. And I have felt compelled to write a letter to my little Ezekiel for some time now.

He's changing so quickly. I don't want to forget. Some days I wish that I could freeze time. I love this little boy . . .

Dear Zeke,

You are only two years old but I have already grown to love you so much. You have already taught your Mama a lot about life. God has used you to brighten my days, bring daddy and I joy, and show me all of my inconsistencies and weaknesses.

Thank you for being patient with me while I learn how to be a Mother. You're the first. You're the one I have to learn on. Some days I look back on my mistakes and wish there was another way . . . one that would be easier on both of us. :-) You are already patient. Quick to forgive me. You have forgotten my failures in a few moments . . . you don't hold a grudge . . . you laugh and play with me again.

Your middle name should have been "Compassion." You are my little comfort! Mama has had a bad burn on her arm for a couple of weeks now. Whenever you see it on my arm you run to the bathroom, get the container of herbal salve, and bring it to me to put on. When Charis falls or hurts herself you run to get her favorite blanket - or you give her your own - and follow it up with a kiss.

You haven't been two for long but you already help me and work hard. You are always happy to get socks for Charis, put dirty clothes in the basket, and I hardly ever make anything in the kitchen without you! When we go to leave you get my shoes for me, a blanket for Charis, and open the garage door. You run out to the garage to get milk or yogurt from the fridge if we run out inside. You're smart and you love to be a part of the family.

Your sense of humor keeps mommy smiling. Yesterday when we finished practicing quiet time I thanked you and said, "Zeke you did a good job being quiet." You grinned at me and let out a big ol' scream. :-) Sometimes I forget that you understand every word that I say to you because you don't say anything. Well, besides, "Ma!" . . . and your random words like, "Hot, boom, ask, and self-control." ;-)

Well, enough about your good qualities. :-) You want to be in control. Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft and rebellion is right under the surface . . . coming to light ever so easily. The desire to dominate will be alive in your flesh the rest of your days. Daddy and I are working to teach you how to submit to authority so that you can be happy and obedient. I love to see you happy but that's not my biggest motivation . . . I so desire that you be able to submit to God one day. I don't want you to be so programmed to be in control that you struggle more than necessary to give God control of your life and put your trust completely in Him for salvation. It would grieve me to be a stumbling block in the process of you coming to salvation. Now, no worries, Mama embraces the sovereignty of God through-and-through. But God does appoint the means as well as the end result.

So, my little Ezekiel, if someday you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, I will be quite satisfied. If you are struggling to know if you know him, or struggling to lay your will down so that He can be Lord . . . just keep reading Scripture. Feast on it. Meditate on it. Memorize it. God's Word will never return unto Him void.

I love you.

Your blondish-brown hair. Your big blue eyes. Your sense of humor. Your compassion. Your rocks in your pockets. Your favorite blankets. Your messes in the kitchen and finger prints on the windows.

There is nothing greater than to know Him who blessed me with you.

Love,

Mama