I've been enjoying my little one so much lately . . . blogging is usually the last thing on my mind . . . except for when I wish that I could freeze time and I know that I'm going to want to remember the things of today. So I should be better about updating this so that I can look back . . .

I don't want to forget how happily Ezekiel blows kisses (often without being prompted) as his dad walks down the steps from our home each morning to go to work. And later in the day, when we go for our walk, I know that he will squeal with delight as soon as we see Luke or go into his office. My little boy loves his daddy . . . and I deeply, sincerely and heartily understand why. :-) My "squeals" are silent smiles, hugs and kisses.

It makes me smile when I see Ezekiel go to "his corner" where his books are kept on the bottom shelf. He gets them all out and sits there - totally surrounded by a disaster - looking at his books. He smiles almost every time that you hand him a book to read. When he brings his song book into the kitchen his face says, "Please read to me, Mama" all over it . . . and I cannot resist.

Most mothers probably don't let their children play with their blow dryer and flat iron . . . haha . . . I know that when my mother reads this she will probably roll her eyes. Ezekiel seems to believe that the blow dryer is in the bathroom purely for his enjoyment. By the end of the day it is usually in the kitchen and has seen every other room in our home throughout the day.

I love that when I open the oven Ezekiel wants to be right there watching . . . saying "Hot" again and again.

He's my little helper and understands a lot of what I tell him. He cleans out the lint in the dryer for me and puts it in the garbage.

He watches me clean diapers and stands there saying, "Ick!" I agree. :-) .

It seems like I am more excited to meet this baby than the last . . . because I know now how good it is . . .

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Last week I had a peak of the kidney problems that happened with my last pregnancy . . . it manifested differently this time and I didn't think it was the same thing. I woke up thinking that this felt like hard labor with extra back pain :-) . . . Luke was already up. Many attempts to get out of bed and to the hall way where he could see that I needed help failed. I started praying . . . finally got enough reprieve from the pain to get out of our bedroom.

Having the baby at this point meant that the chances of survival were slim. I was a little quicker about heartily "giving" my little girl to the Lord this time than I was with the concerns early on in the pregnancy. The pain didn't let up and Luke was on the phone getting some direction from our midwife . . .

Luke got me to the midwife and we were so so grateful that it was merely, what they thought at the time, a kidney stone . . . which mimics labor and fools a lot of prego women. I know why. :-) Spending the rest of the day in a bit of pain didn't seem so bad knowing that our baby was healthy.

Having kidney problems even sooner this pregnancy than the last . . . knowing that, if it happens two pregnancies in a row, it's probably "my lot" for every pregnancy here after . . . it's made me think outside the box and talk things through with the Lord a lot. And yet, I know that anything can change. That I lack the grace and wisdom for tomorrow . . . but what He has given me today is more than exceedingly sufficient.

I never imagined that pregnancy could be accompanied by anything other than morning sickness, being tired, being uncomfortable and gaining weight (:-)) all of which I was mentally prepared for and ok with. I could handle it . . . without help from the Lord. But He has seen fit to humble me and show me that, from beginning to end, I am unable to live where He has asked me to live, doing what he has asked me to do.

Monday morning I was free from kidney pain. But everything around me that had been neglected while I was down was calling for my attention. Ezekiel had been in our bed all night, sick, and waking up screaming every hour or so. I felt exhausted. It was 9 am and I found myself already at the end of my strength for the day. I was laying on the floor, weak and nauseated as usual after my shower . . . feeling like if I got up or moved I was going to explode, or faint. Ezekiel didn't feel well and needed my attention more than normal. I started praying. Confessing that I didn't have the strength required for that day. "Lord . . . I need your strength and love to be a mom and wife today . . . . "

I got up. Didn't explode. :-) The Lord called to my mind the fact that I had not drank a drop of water yet. The nausea faded. I was somehow stronger by the end of the day than I was at the beginning. Everything got done - one task at a time - until Luke got home late from work but dinner was still warm, our home still clean, Ezekiel was happy, and I was still amazed at God. That day got lived through me . . . in spite of me.

Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.