My mom always told me. "The people that irritate you most are the most like you. You react to what they do wrong because you have the same fault."
I had always pretty much believed that. And it seemed obviously true to me.
But then God brought someone into my life who . . . well . . . they got me acting / speaking / feeling more passionately than I have in a good long while.
Luke would look at me like something had come over me. Or maybe someone stole his wife and brought this unreasonable person to fill her place? I would even fight against him on the issues as he encouraged me to be "more loving."
I would pray about this situation/person but I really didn't see how they were anything like me. Wrestling with the concept I would defend myself. "I know I'm not perfect but (;-)) I would never dream of doing "x"! I mean, it would be embarrassing to behave in such a way. It boggles my mind. I don't even know what to say."
Luke told me that he was praying that I could learn to love this individual before it was "too late."
So . . . I was praying about it one morning. Told the Lord that I honestly didn't see how I was anything like this person. But asked Him to open my eyes and give me a love for them.
I was silent for a moment in my prayer and my prideful thoughts said something like, "You are careful not to take advantage of people. You don't ignore relationships until you need something." But then I saw all things clearly. As if the Lord was whispering, "Not with people, Allison. Your pride is too great for that. But what about us??"
Shame washed over me as I felt myself blushing in the presence of my Savior.
Once again humbled by my own pride.
How much more passionate are my prayers when I am hurting?
I rise to pray in the sleepless nights when I am struggling . . . when I know that I cannot survive without Him. But how easy I find it to travel through half of my day, when things seem blissful, without uttering a word to my Savior. Do I only fellowship when I am needy?
He has done so much for me . . . I feel as though my love for Him should be so much greater, unwavering, and stable than it really is.
For, if I had a sweet sweet love for Jesus would I not have a love for others . . . deserved or undeserved? Rather I feel hurt by their actions or taken advantage of . . . or whatever?
My mom's saying still holds true. How grateful I am that God brought this person into my life to show me how "selfish" my love for Him is. How disgusting it is that, after all He has done for me, I ignore Him until I need Him.
LORD, teach me to love You.
2 comments:
Luke was relating this post to us tonight, and suggested we come read it for ourselves. Thank you for blogging this...it is convicting to realize how we often value the good opinion of others over the opinion of our Lord. It is "human nature" (sinful) to assume that I'm the center of the universe...even God is there as my blessing machine, rather than see that the universe is His and FOR Him, that we exist to glorify Him. To bless Him and magnify Him with my heart, words, life regardless of my situation. I've been pondering some of these things this week, and your blog was another application/reminder on this topic. Thanks, BD
I'm glad God gave you a husband who
challenges you to go to the Lord in prayer and consider His response. So often my response to you is to join you on your "bandwagon" of complaint and confirm that your thoughts regarding so-and-so were "right on". Shame on me and thank God that He saved Luke just for you! :)
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