Crazy days and Motherhood 101

I found myself wishing today that I could have prepared a little better somehow for being a wife and a mom . . . I'm not sure how . . . but somehow! It's not the big things like disciplining a child or supporting and loving your husband. It's the "this should be a so simple!" stuff that I feel so slow at learning.

Like what to do with a crawling baby when you are trying to clean a bathroom and they want to be right where you are. And really, there's not much in the bathroom that I can allow him to discover. The play pen is wonderful but I can't lock him in there all day long. Or can I? ;-)

One of these days I am going to have more than one child and I know that I will look back on these "simple days" and wonder what my problem was. For now I can work hard when he's down for a nap. But then? I want to figure out what to do before I get there. I just really love a clean bathroom and, no matter how many children are welcomed into our family, I'm unwilling to give such things up.

"The older kids help." Sure . . . but what about when you have three of them under the age of three? Doesn't sound like good quality bathroom cleaners to me.

I decided this morning that strawberry picking was something that needed to get done. Luke had the car . . . and he had no lunch. Poor planning on my part. Ezekiel woke up early from his morning nap - which is as rare as the sun shining in Washington on a Monday. So baby got fed an early lunch while I made something up for Luke. Grabbed address, containers for berries, money, jacket for Zeke, baby wipes, diapers, hat, keys, cell phone . . . stuffed into the stroller as I walked as quickly as possible to deliver my husband's lunch.

Lunch was delivered and we were ready to go - though when Luke heard that I was going to pick strawberries with a baby he looked at me like I was a little crazy. A few wrong turns, construction, and a road block later Ezekiel starts crying and I remember that, in my rush, I never nursed him for his mid-day feeding. Arg. I drive back home and decide to berry pick after his afternoon nap.

Ezekiel thinks that afternoon nap times are jungle gym times. He literally giggles, talks, and bounces around his crib for forever before falling asleep. Luke says it sounds like a presidential debate is going on in there . . . a whole ton of non sense. I decide to clean a little and bake some blueberry muffins so that Luke has something easy to snack on at work. Course, Ezekiel wakes up in the middle of the process and I am back and forth, just trying to get something accomplished.

Finally out the door on my second attempt to get some strawberries. I know. We are truly over attached to our strawberry smoothies and the price of berries in the store pains me. I sat in the car analyzing the situation for a moment. I had my heavy duty stroller with me but . . . it's too wide to get down the rows. The picking on the end of the rows was pathetic. I finally decide to carefully navigate down a row to get to some quality berries.

Ezekiel thought that watching his mother hunched over strawberry plants was some kind of hilarious phenomenon. At first. Then he was tired of sitting there playing with the same toy. I only had one pail full of berries. I really wanted another. Babies aren't supposed to eat strawberries . . . but one won't kill him, right? He seemed fascinated with it while I picked quicker than quick. I tried to remember if I had taken the stem off or not . . . nope. He had cleaned all the dirt off quite thoroughly before I got it out of his mouth.

I had my two pails of berries. But now . . . more analyzing. How do I hold two buckets full to the brim with berries and get the stroller back down the narrow row without completely destroying the plants? Very carefully. My poor little boy was bounced all over the place . . . the soil had clods of dirt and ditches. It was not an easy maneuver. Berries and baby in the car - I seriously just wanted to crawl in a hole and take a nap.

But instead I went grocery shopping and then hauled bags and berries and baby up the stairs. Hungry hippo me . . . and Ezekiel too. It was close to dinner time. Those muffins smelled SO good at this point. I took a big bite. No blueberries. You so have to be kidding me. (See previous post on blueberry muffins). By then I felt so incompetent. Thoughts of unbelief where swarming my mind. You have only one child and yet you are exhausted and you can't even remember a main ingredient. What is the problem?? Didn't really feel like crying over something so silly. But I did laugh . . . a lot.

Luke called while I was making dinner and said he had to work late (Which is why I have time to write this long blog post for my own memory's sake. It's so hard for me to go to sleep without him.) I felt like a decent wife when I got dinner loaded in a basket and brought it to him at the office. He would be working late into the night . . . so packing ice cream for him seemed like a good idea. And a blueberry muffin too - without the blueberries. Not perfect, but he wouldn't go hungry.

Having dinner and taking a walk with Luke seemed to change a crazy, imperfect day into perfection. He didn't complain about working late - he only said that he would rather be with Ezekiel and I. He told me how good dinner was, even though it was nothing special. One affectionate glance from him gives me more energy than any perfect, productive, or restful day could ever grant me. I'm glad that my husband and I made serious, life-long vows to each other . . . because it's going to take at least that long for me to show my handsome man how much I love him.