Thoughts:
The more that I exalt myself, focus on myself, love myself, the further away I grow from the Lord. The closer that I grow to the Lord the more I exalt Him, focus on Him, love Him. Oh, how I long for life in the new heavens and new earth when my pride will at last be banished. How glorious the day when I can worship and love Him from a perfect heart.
The most painful circumstances that I am tempted to grow bitter over are only a gift from Christ and a glimpse of how much pain and suffering my own sin caused Him. Maybe the pain will be turned to gratitude in time if I dwell on truth.
How slow is the process of dying to myself. Even in the most dutiful acts of service I find buried under the surface hidden hopes of love returned . . . if only in an assurance that I am not a fool to love. If my love was thrown back at me and never treasured or returned, would I still love? Would I still give? If it brought nothing but pain and rejection, could I continue on?
Conversations:
“You know, Allison, circumstances are not always a punishment. Yes, God is teaching us things and He sometimes works in that way. But sometimes it is not for us to understand. There is such a bigger picture.” ~HJ
“Luke, I still feel like my grandma just went on a vacation for a couple of weeks and she is going to come back. We’re going to go to their house, and she is going to be there . . . just waiting to kiss Ezekiel and talk to us. I can’t grasp that she is really gone.”
“I think she did go a vacation. And someday you’ll go join her.”
Little Happenings:
Sometimes things will cross my mind that I would like to have . . . usually “little” things. And sometimes, for no real reason, I just feel like I should do without it. Maybe nothing but obedience to His prompting.
And the last few weeks He has given me a couple of those things that I wanted . . . they ended up meaning much more and they were given as a gift from someone who had no idea of my desire.
The one that comes to mind is house plants. They just look homey and are good for freshening the air. But I just didn’t feel free to go purchase them. When my Grandma passed away, countless people sent plants to my Grandpa. He ended up giving me a basket that had several unique house plants in it because he could not keep all that was given to him. For as long as I can remember, my grandma had plants in her home. She loved flowers. And now I have something that I desired and it means something more . . . because they remind me of her.
These happenings are so little . . . it’s so easy to categorize it as chance. But my husband has been talking about and focusing on a verse lately that opposes that theory. “The lot is cast into the lap; but the whole disposing thereof is of the Lord.” (Prov. 16:33) He is sovereign. Over when we are born and die. Over our predestination. Over our redemption. Over our death. Over the simplest things in our lives. Over my house plants.
It is humbling to consider that He knows my desires and has a will for them . . . not always to be granted, but always for our wills to become one in every matter.
3 comments:
Very true. God is sovereign over every detail of our lives. I've been pondering/learning this this past week. . . It is so comforting to know that He is in control and that "All things work together to good for those who love God."
This morning I was watering the plants given to me from Grandma's memorial. While doing that I was telling Jacob that I never wanted house plants because taking care of them was one more thing to do. Now I look forward to watering them all - thinking of Grandma the whole time and reflecting on how she loved beautiful things and was never too busy to care for them. Kind of like she was never too busy for us!
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