Prego Pictures and Sovereign Grace

Luke and I were at our house in Portland last night doing some yard work. The night was so beautiful . . . Perfect soft light. Cool temperatures. Crisp air. So my handsome man suggested that we do some prego pictures in the park across the street - and I soon discovered that my husband makes an excellent photographer. : - )

So I am 31 - almost 32 weeks along! Just a couple of months to go before I get to meet this precious little life that God has blessed us with. His sovereignty seems to be the message that He consistently is speaking to me in this time . . .

When I found out that I was expecting, Luke and I quickly and easily agreed that we wanted our baby born at home. We prayed briefly - asking God to simply stop us from going this direction if it was not His will. Actually Luke prayed that. (Kind of like the time that he prayed for trials to bring us both closer to the Lord. God answers prayer! . . . and now I sit up a little straighter each time that he prays with me and am on the alert for what could be coming our way : - ))

Anyhow! The first midwife that we decided on had to back out when I was about 13 weeks along. They referred us to another midwife that they knew of . . . I called her and got off the phone as mad as a wet hen. Not only did she make money the main topic of our conversation (even encouraging me to get state insurance so that she could make more) but she also informed me of what she would do at our first appointment. (Never once asking - and some of the things I had already researched and decided against). So! On to midwife #3! She got sick the day of our appointment, had to reschedule and was 30 minutes late that day, and charged an arm and a leg. Best experience so far . . . but the price stopped us in our tracks. Around this time we also found out that our insurance was much better than we had first thought and that a birth in the hospital was the most economical way to go by far.

I remember the night that I started to come to terms with the fact that I was going to have this baby in a hospital. And it terrified me. Luke held me that night, reminding me of God's perfect plan and will . . . how His ways are so much better than our ways. I was stubborn. Still not persuaded that this was God closing the doors; but Luke seemed so sure and I wanted to trust him.

The next morning I immersed myself in Scripture and finally came to the place where I could yield my desires to the Lord without doing everything in my power to change the decision. Every Psalm seemed to speak of God's sovereignty. His strength. His power. I knew that I was being called to stop trusting methods and people . . .

I confess that I have not kept a perfectly yielded heart since that morning. I have found myself full of fear more than once . . . but God has been faithful to bring me back to a place of trust. (That sweet place of peace that persuades me that I cannot live one moment without my Jesus). Two weeks ago, someone told me of a Christian midwife that was very local and about the same cost as what we would pay at the hospital. I tried to remind myself that it still might not work out . . . but honestly, I was rather excited. I called her and set up an appointment for Luke and I to meet her and her husband. It seemed like the perfect fit. But alas! After doing yard work yesterday evening I opened my cell phone to see a message. She had forgotten that she would be going out of town only a few days after my due date. If I was late at all, she could not be there. She apologized, but said that she could not commit to being the midwife for our birth.

There were no more tears at this point. Just outright, hysterical laughter. I smiled . . . started to pray but ended up laughing with the Lord. Thanking Him for being so patient with me. Ok! I think that I am persuaded now. For this, I am so thankful. The Lord knew that it was important for Luke and I to be one in this decision.

As for my husband . . . it takes a man who loves and fears God to watch his wife struggle and yet hold firm to what he believes is right. I knew that it hurt him to not be able to just give me what I wanted so much - there were days when I hid my fear to the best of my ability. Yet, I longed to just run to him at the same time! I am so grateful for my man. There is joy in following someone who is more concerned with pleasing the Lord than pleasing anyone else on earth (even his wife - whom I know that he loves abundantly!)

"Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the LORD JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation. Therefore with joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation. And in that day shall ye say, Praise the LORD, call upon his name, declare his doings among the people, make mention that his name is exalted. Sing unto the LORD; for he hath done excellent things . . . "

ISAIAH 12:2-5