I saw my life of filth, broken standards, failure, and sin. I saw the reality of hell and fear filled my soul. Then I saw Jesus, evidently set forth and crucified. I saw the Son of God bruised for my transgression and I knew that He was cursed because of my iniquity. As I wept before Him and begged Him to save my soul from hell, I began to understand true love. In the last months I have seen how life really is not about people. It is not about work. It is not about daily life or even godly character. Life is a simple journey to eternity. The only thing worth striving for, longing after, or working for is a purer, stronger, sweeter fellowship with the Lord Jesus.
Most days I feel as if I have only begun to understand how to love Him . . . I feel like a newly married bride who still has a tendency to think of life in compartmentalized terms. My relationship with Christ is my heartbeat but it is not my entire heart yet. I love Him, but I am still striving and learning how to be one with Him. I do not want Him to merely possess my life. I want Him to be my life.
As I long for heaven, I try to imagine seeing my Savior face to face. What will I do in His presence? If my fellowship with Him on earth is any foreshadowing of how I will feel, then I know that I will fall to my knees and weep before Him speechlessly. All of my prideful motivations, selfish thoughts, and temporal goals will vanish and I will rejoice in a perfect relationship with my Savior. I will be able to love Him fully.
It seems like love on earth cannot be perfectly understood. I love God because He first loved me. My soul blesses the Lord as I consider His forgiveness, redemption, loving kindness, and tender mercies. He has blessed me in spite of myself. Now I love Him . . . but who could resist such a Savior? My love seems selfishly backwards.
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