The Hope of my Longing

I am ready to go home. I am longing for heaven.

Sometimes I find myself just telling God how ready I am to see Him face-to-face. Tonight a sickening truth hit me. It is that unmistakable feeling of guilt and shame before God when the light of His truth shines on my heart.

I am longing for pain to fade. I am hoping for perfect joy. I want to stop fighting the flesh every day. I want the confusion, reality and pain of an imperfect world to take flight.

Christ gave up the reality of heaven to save my soul from eternal hell.

Yet, do I long to go to heaven and just fall on my face before Him speechlessly thanking Him with floods of joyful tears and gratitude? No. I long for my minuscule temporal pain to fade. Heaven is not a self-fulfillment haven for whatever I want. It is the end of a journey in this life where I can give everything perfectly to Him. I will be made perfect in glory, but not for me.

For Him.

For His glory.

For His joy.

Not mine.

Oh my selfishly wicked heart is so slow to understand the depth of His love.