squinting in the light of truth

I toyed with the shade
Sun pouring on my face felt heavenly
Sun shining into my eyes was annoying
I squinted and enjoyed the warmth

The sun seemed to mirror God’s truth in my life
I love the warmth of fellowship
I long for the joy of a yielded heart
The light of God’s truth is shining on my heart
It makes me squint with anticipated pain

Why does my heart fear to yield?
I remember the joy of His strength
But I am toying with the door of my heart . . .
Tempted to close it for fear of pain

Lord Jesus, change me