Death's Door

“As many will hear and will not understand, why I want no time of preparation, often desired by far holier ones than I, I tell you why, and shall tell others, and so shall you. It is not because I am so holy, but because I am so sinful. The peculiar character of my religious experience has always been a deep, an agonizing sense of sin; the sin of yesterday, of to-day, confessed with anguish hard to be unheard; each day cleansed anew in Jesus’ blood, and each day more and more hateful in my own sight; what can I do in death that I have not done in life? What do in this week, when I am told I cannot live, other than I did last week, when I knew it not? Alas, there is but one thing undone, to serve Him better; and the death-bed is no place for that. Therefore I say, if I am not ready now, I shall not be by delay, so far as I have to do with it. If He has more to do in me that is His part. I need not ask Him not to spoil His work by too much haste.” Stepping Heavenward

Although I have never been close to death’s door I found myself relating to this piece of literature. It seems strange that I am somehow comforted by an ever present realization of my own sin. It gives me confidence that God is still working in my life and guiding me faithfully. Sometimes I find myself frustrated in my own sin. As I confess my sin and long for heaven, I find myself prideful over my own agony of sin! . . . I cannot escape the torture of this constant cycle. I have a longing desire to please God and an ever present pride that will never be completely extinguished until I see my Savior face-to-face.