Decisions. The very word makes me cringe and shake my head. Yet, I love the spiritual growing process that goes along with every decision that comes before me.
This picture is one that was taken last fall when I was in Mexico. That was one decision that wasn't extremely difficult for me to make. I did not want to go on that mission trip. There were tension in relationships with the people I was going with, and I had never been out of the country. I was just plain dreading it! But I knew that God wanted me to go. There was no doubt in my mind. I knew it would force me to rely on Him for wisdom and grace. So I went and...wow! God knows such much better than I. I ended up loving it there. Plus, I watched friendships, which were previously weak, grow as we served next to each other. I just praise the Lord that He led me to go and gave me the grace to obey against my will.
The thing that I dread about making decisions is not the fear of making the wrong one. It's the fear of looking foolish when I make the one God calls me to make. Arg! I hate my pride. Going to Mexico to work in a dental clinic made no sense. I didn't know the language, had no dental experience, and had no "special burden" for foreign missions. Not attending college last year free of charge made no sense either. Supporting a political party that has no chance of "winning" an election made no sense. I look back and of course, everything looks so clear. But why is my pride so strong?! Why do I always dread making another seemingly "stupid decision" even when I know beyond a doubt that the path that I am on is right before God?
So as I end my senior year of High School the question of going to college and working comes up...again. The opportunity to work came up so fast that now I'm second guessing my decision to work and thinking that I rushed into everything too quickly. Every week as I find myself tired, stressed, and frustrated I think that I made the wrong decision. Then every weekend as I pray about it and think it over I am one minute convinced that I should quit. The next minute I'm completely convinced that I'm lazy and need to buck up and deal with the stress.
Ok, if you've gotten this far you're truly a remarkable person. I'm just venting as a confused, frustrated, tired individual!
4 comments:
Humm, that’s kind of a funny problem to have. I’m guessing the vast majority of your friends are Christians so making choices for God shouldn’t bring much persecution. Our choices in life are difficult but in the end we are accountable only to One. I’ve had to tell that to myself many times at school being around a group believes in living for yourself in the moment is best.
Work, humm… I guess I see things as clear direction from God when He provides a seamless path into something new if I have no cautions about the activity. When I began working for the Copper’s 4 years ago it was literally overnight. Since then I’ve thought about quitting several times as you know. Now however I see it in a different light. I’ve looked at all of the growth, learning and opportunities that have come from working there. I’ve had to learn how to deal with a difficult schedule so that’s flexibility and I guess I needed another lesson in that area again since I’m now going in at 7am. Responsibility with work related projects and also prioritizing my week around my work and school. I’m telling you the list goes on: humility, forgiveness, respect, etc.
It seems overwhelming all of the lessons God has to teach us. There is never an end and it gets frustrating because there’s never a top. I find myself fail sometimes because I’m too weak when I’m not depending on Him.
Your life is a great example of someone seeking God’s best for their life. You’re one whose eyes are set ahead to the prize that awaits you. Continue to run, not all parts of this race are the same. See ya at the end :)
Yeah, most of my friends are Christians but even then sometimes my decisions aren't as "black and white" as going to the bar or not. :D And then there's family too and it seems like everyone is always asking me what I'm doing after I graduate. I'm seriously so sick of that question that I've started telling people that I'm getting married. That silences them...out of pure shock. :D
Work has been a great experience and I like going to work. Everyone I work with is great, I’ve learned to love the phone, and I get to have my hero (my bro) bossing me around. It's just more the time commitment. Plus, it just seems like everything happened so fast. Four months ago I didn't have a license or a job. I stayed home and studied; went to everything with my parents. Now I work four hours a day, have piano students, and run all over for Dr. Appts (let's not even go there!) It's like I'm never home with my family...and I hate it.
I dunno…at this hour not much of what I say is going to make sense. Anyhow, thanks so much for your encouragement! If you only knew how many times I take my eyes of the eternal goal and fix my eyes on the problems and decisions before me. *sigh* I have much to learn! But thanks again. Keep fighting the good fight. :)
I wish all my decisions were as black and white as should I go to the bar with they guys or not.
Yeah, I would imagine that would shock them. Today's norm is at least twenty and it's going toward being more common around 25. I'm kind of surprised that surprises them in a way. Everyone knows you wait on God and you don't rush into things. So saying that completely contradicts you.
I'm getting worse with the phones everyday, I'll see a voice mail and return it a day later. I need to stop doing that; it gives the business a bad image. Working around or for your brother is cool. I know I love working with him everyday, having your best friend available to you for 8 hours of the day is always a +++
You're just going through a stage in life; you're trying to finish your school a year before you should. That takes a lot of hard work dedication and TIME. I enjoy giving people a hard time when they're working to hard but truthful I do respect your efforts. It'll all calm down after you graduate, then you'll have all day with your family and you mom will know you love her again ;)
You're right there is so much to learn. Look at me currently for an example. I know what's right and I want to do it I'm just having a difficult time with it. O, yeah I'm speaking about selling my Xbox 360. It's late for me ;)
Later
EMH
Well, I don't think I'm a remarkable person but I did make it to the end! Hang in there!
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